To think...

To think that friends are all one needs or with family is peace; may not be perfectly true.When I see movies, I wonder where are the accepting families and dependable friends. You would think if I crib about both, the flaw must be in me. If so then help me become better, but not just pretend to like me.

What do you do when the mess you have made, or the mess that has formed without your contribution, just gets worse.

I am waiting for a Knight in shining Armour, or a fairy god mother, or just a warm assuring hand: with one swing of the sword or a wave of the wand, the mess is cleared and life is better.

For me every Monday is a fresh start, every Saturday is a reboot day, and every Sunday is followed by a tomorrow which brings the sunshine to clear my darkness.

Maybe this makes me sound like a lost, helpless, desperate person who is waiting to quit, run, escape, totally different from my exterior of someone who can fight battles and not shed a tear.

Even a warrior tires, even he would like a day to come where he can rest like every other man in calm and bloodless green field.

Whats wrong if I say I don't know what it means or I don't understand. Need I always know all? Why call me great and then complain of my attitude of superiority, the fact is that you have crowned me.

Why can't things be as simple as they show in FRIENDS or some other artificial entertainment package, where problems start at bad hair day and end with the boy next door.

Do I complicate things? Of course not. Are things complicated? Of course yes. I just pray and dream like everyone else. Do I not have a right to do so?

Yes, i am complaining. Oh yes lets not about life's troubles as it may bore you or irritate you. Lets talk about some random nonsense which I have no interest in.

No I don't care about how in love you are or what your guy/gal did or said. I don't have one and so I really cant contribute in such a conversation. Don't tell me its my fault that no boy bothers to look my way. If I haven't met a man with guts and personality, how can you blame me?

No I don't want to know about your conversations with someone you think is cool. It really doesn't matter to me if that someone finds you to be of great interest.

No I don't give a rats arse about what trouble or problems your friend/ friends is/are in. And hell no, I ain't interested in helping you sorting his/her/their mess, cause I have enough of my own.

No I don't care if your friends like me or hate me, think of me as an angel or obnoxious. What kind of a friend are you putting me among people who you know will look down upon me and my ways, just like you do.

I care very little about any adventure or misadventure you have had, cause I know when I start telling you something similar you will excuse yourself by saying, will talk to you later because a dog is barking in some part of the world.

And hell no, I ain't your punching bag and no I don't respect you because you have lived a few years more than me. Dare you excuse yourself or explain your behavior. You will not be able justify and I basically don't care.

Once you have read this don't pity me because of my work troubles, family woes, friend betrayals or heart aches. Don't yell at me if you find yourself in one of the above categories. Stay away as I don't want even if I may need you cause you are also a part of the mess and have a good share in it.

This is not an infuriated girls confessions. It just my temper that has been bottled up so far. And pray the day I speak up, that all hell doesnt break lose.