bridges Torn Apart

Funny things happen that one simply cannot digest like hating a person you long considered your friend. Then when your bubble shatters you come to realize there were times you can clearly point out to and say, 'hmm so she really didn’t like me that much.' Let me explain why I say the above.

Everyone has their own worse times. At some point or the other everyone and I mean everyone has gone berserk; has had a moment of insanity. In my case it’s a bit different; I have had many of those moments. But such moments are like exams for our friends. It is now that they decide whether they accept you and stick with you or mentally make a note to maintain distance. You will never know who decided what until they have disappeared from your life. Something as such happened to me.

One of my close friends decided she could no longer continue to stay friends with a live atom bomb that can go off at any moment. I just took long to know about it. Well frankly peaking you do at times know what is happening but just ignore it till it is too hot to handle. Then you just have to accept it.

Saying good bye isn’t that easy. In my earlier blog I mentioned those friends who disappear without a bye. They are the easy ones. The ones whom you are still desperately trying to reconnect even after you have mentally said a good bye to are the difficult ones to let go of.

In my short span of life there have been three great gals who walked into to my life at three different times. All of them, I lost on account of my foolishness. They have been my pillars of strength, my fairy godmothers, my life support and my witty guru. I could not at one point think of life without them. They were always present in my future dreams either holding the bouquet in my wedding, or running around in my reception or just standing by me posing for a photo on my 50^th birthday. To imagine life without them is still painful.

But I believe that we have burnt all the bridges in between us. Even though I have informed them to read this entry in my blog, I am sure they have hardly made the effort to.

Of course I may be mistaken. Maybe someday I will meet them down the lane and reconnect the lost ties. Maybe someday, that single piece of the bridge which is still dangling will form a new path.

I believe myself to be a very practical person. Looking back at them I know they won’t give me another chance. Looking ahead I know that many more names will be added to the list. But then I look at the present and I know that there are already those who will forever remain with me in my long journey.

I have often heard of relations going sour but isn’t it said that Sour grapes makes for great wine. If any of the three are reading I hope they get what I mean. Because this is the only way I can say ‘Hey give me break you knew what I was, you know what I am and you know what I will be. But I still miss you and will always be there for you and it doesn't matter if you aren't, I won't make you choose.’